(apartment) 27 Dresses (as each other)

I made this video for our apartment's introductions at ward prayer. Lots of costume changes.

Post Rejection

So apparently writing down my feelings is a good thing in that it shows to the powers that be that I am learning the life lessons that I’m supposed to be learning. It like getting enough points to level up. 

Approximately 30 seconds after hitting publish on my last post, I got an email from my hometown health department offering me an internship. HOORAY! Considering I applied to only two internships, I am, according to Mushu, one lucky bug. This internship isn’t even one that exists, it was more of a “email us stuff about you and we might make something for you to do”. 

Anyways, so I got an email back that said "We're so excited that you emailed us, we'll call you soon!"

HOORAY FOR BEING A GROWN UP

Rejection Letter

Today's rejection refers to the letter in my mailbox.

I've never really had to interview for anything. I've had the same job since I was 16, where I went up to manager to say the expected "hi, I just turned in an application, blah blah blah" and he pretty much hired me on the spot because he "liked my attitude" or something. I mean, I'm very likeable, so it makes sense. All my nanny jobs I never even advertised for, people just came up to me and asked if I wanted to nanny. The job I have at school now I essentially went up to my professor and said, "I liked your class, can I be your TA?"

I got a rejection letter today.

It was for an internship I had applied for. I know that the career counselors at school tell us to apply for like 15 internships in hope of being accepted by 3. It's kind of a weird feeling. I mean, these people don't know me, all they know is what I wrote on a piece of paper for them. So I'm not even upset, though I feel like maybe I should be?

But it's not my decision how people feel about me.

Sure, there are things I can do to impact their feelings, work a little harder, maybe get better grades, volunteer more? Even doing all of those things, they might have still decided to "not proceed with you as a candidate". It's just not my decision whether or not I'm accepted Just because I'm not right for one place, doesn't mean that there is something wrong with me. It just means that I can find something better. Rejection is everywhere, and that's not a bad thing. It's kind of sucky, yeah. One rejection down, I'm sure many more to go. YAY!

You got this. Because you are great.

Being Brave

I am not an inherently brave person. My New Year's resolution has been the same ever since I left home for university.

 "Do more things you might regret". 

I would like to clarify. It's not that I want to do things that I know I will regret, promise I'm not going out and getting knocked up or robbing a bank. People often combine regret with recklessness. I don't agree. Do things that maybe aren't the most logical. Things that to look back on and say, "huh, look what I know know".

Life isn't about getting through as efficiently as possible.

I feel that if I never make mistakes that I'll never learn from anything. I want to be able to tell my future daughter that failing a test sucks and heartbreak feels like the end of the world, not because I read about it in a story but that it happened to me too. Mistakes help us figure out who we are.

Yes, what if something awful happens? Then you figure it out. But what if something wonderful happens? If you don't take any chances, there's no chance for anything great! I'm pretty sure there's a marketing or and economics or investing phrase that says, 'high risk, high reward'. So go apply for that job, go cook a new recipe, go hold that boy's hand.

Just so you don't think I'm all talk and no walk, a story:

At school, I meet a lot of people. And at BYU that means dating a lot of people. My friends at home are always shocked when we get together and talk about our schools, because I'll casually mention a date here and a date there. The shy, never-had-a-boyfriend-ever girl from high school is a dating machine?? (disclaimer: still have never had a boyfriend, whatcha gonna do ¯\_(ツ)_/¯) 

But there was a boy that I had been hanging out with, and my roommates had all been teasing me to go a make a move on him. So I decided to roll with it. When we were with other friends, he jokingly put his arm around me (eek!) and later on in the night I texted him "Next time you try to make a move on me, make sure the others aren't there, what are you doing later this week? :)" SO FORWARD, RIGHT? So, long story short, we had another date, we held hands, it was great, until afterwards when I decided I didn't actually want to date this boy. So I panicked.

My method of dealing with this problem was to...avoid him at all cost. Which was rough since we had the same friends, so I was just really awkward, which isn't really new, but whatever. Finally I knew that I had to do something, because I liked hanging out with him, I just didn't want to be dating him. After pacing nervously around my apartment for a while, my roommates kicked me out until I went and talked to him. So essentially I ambushed him.. I was not chill, I was not subtle, it probably seemed a little bit like I was yelling because I was talking really fast and really loud. 

Being brave doesn't mean you have to be good at it.

the rundown of that conversation was "HI I"M SORRY THAT I'VE BEEN SO WEIRD LATELY IT"S JUST THAT I HAVE SOME FEELINGS THAT I NEED TO TELL YOU BECAUSE I DO LIKE YOU, BUT I DON"T WANT TO DATE BUT I LIKE HANGING OUT WITH YOU AND I HOPE THAT WE CAN STILL DO THAT WITHOUT IT BEING WEIRD". He just laughed and said it was totally okay, we high-fived and then some friends came over and we played card games. 

Bravery is not never being scared. (insert cliche quote about being scared but "saddling up anyway" or something). I am pretty much scared every moment ever. But being scared is okay. Gold at the end of the rainbow and all that.

I cut off all my hair

I'm super lazy when it comes to my hair.  It's kept long a lot of the time because I hate getting hair cuts. Throwing all beauty advice to the wind, I get my hair cut about once a year, and then mostly to just get rid of dead ends, and then about every 3 years, it's long enough to donate to Locks of Love/Pantene Beautiful Lengths/Wigs for Kids. But my hair grows pretty quick and also is incredibly thick, so everytime I donate it makes about 6 ponytails. But my hair becomes such a definition of myself, which can be a pain. It's strange, but people seem to take personal offense which I make changes to it. "Oh, you cut your hair? It was so beautiful!". Um yes, I know my hair is bombing when it's long. But let me tell you a little secret....


(I DON"T DRESS FOR OTHER PEOPLE. I DRESS FOR MYSELF.)


Also, unless your the one who has to spend 20 minutes to wash it, take forever to dry, and constant headaches because it's so heavy, then you don't get to tell me what to do. So, when I realized that I was, in fact, a grown-ass lady and can do what I like, I started taking risks, cause why not, you know?

"But dyeing your hair is so harsh and permanent!"

 "Don't get bangs, they always look awful"

"But boys love long hair!"

Okay, fun fact: hair grows back. It honestly does not make two toots worth of difference in the cosmos whether I have 3 feet of dead cells coming out of my scalp or not. I know that the things I do to my hair maybe aren't the most "wordly" attractive. But they make me really happy, so it shouldn't matter at all to anyone else what I do to my hair. Someone's bright teal pixie cut, that's what they want their hair to look like.!The girl with hair down past her waist? That's cool too. Want to rock a natural fro? Go for it! 

People of the internet, I have a new universal beauty rule. 

"Don't hold your beauty standards to anyone but yourself."

Be kind. Be brave. Show love. Make people happy. It's going to be okay, and it's going to be worth it.

Beginnings

Hi. Here's a poem to start us off.

"My Life's Direction"

Sometimes I feel just a little bit lost

I’m sure that you just might relate

But I have quite a few directional options

To consider as I configure my fate

I’m trying so hard to do what is right,

With the patience and strength I have left

So I’ll stumble straight into this world of adults

I feel like I wasn’t prepared for this test

The stress is getting me all worked up

Yet it's also somehow dragging me down?

Maybe it’s obvious I don’t know where I’m going

As I aimlessly wander around

I’m trying to let people in to my life

I’m trying a little to break out of my shell

It’s a work in progress, I have to admit

Sometimes I sit alone with my good friend Adele

Some people just seem so on top of it all

Excuse me as I crawl under my blankets

There better be something good at the end of this way

Because I am over always feeling this anxious

So hello from the other side

I think that’s really where I want to be

I need to cross one of Rob Frost’s two roads

I’m grateful at least that there wasn’t three

I’ve tiptoed around making any decisions

There’s been too many doors I’ve been afraid to go through

To the kind career counselors that said “play it safe”

I think I’ll try saying “Screw You”

Whether up, down, or through

North, South, or West

I’m made too many choices

Off what others thought best

So as I take my first steps to move forward in life

Let me first  explain you my math

I’ll look for my help from above

And that’s more than enough

Because your compass won’t work for my path.

Love,

Abigail